…Summer, that is. Sigh.
My kiddos just left for school. My eldest is a Junior in high school, my middle is starting her first day of high school today, and my youngest, no longer a baby, is in fifth grade, top of the heap in elementary school. And to make things worse (better??) he is on Safety Patrol this year and so he isn’t riding the bus. Which sounds like a good thing if you know what buses are like, but the thing is, we always had great mom/son time while he waited for the bus. We would shoot hoops, or in winter play a sort of soccer-hockey with chunks of ice from the roof, we’d talk about life, read books together, pet the cats who waited for the bus with us. Damn, I am so going to miss that time. So I told him this morning, “I’ll walk to school with you,” thinking we could still share a little morning time.
He said, “Mom, do you mind if I ride my bike? I get there faster…” and I could tell he was really worried about hurting my feelings. Then he said, “You can walk with me some other day…” and I’m not sure which was more heartbreaking–the fact that he wanted to go on his own, or the fact that he was so worried about hurting my feelings when doing his own thing.
I assured him it was fine, that it was his first day and he needed to do it however he wanted to so that he could feel comfortable. But I’m sad inside. Proud of him for being independent and strong and asking for what he wants, but sad that he’s growing up.
Parenthood. It sure is a mixed bag, isn’t it? And the crazy thing is, if we do it well, we work ourselves right out of a job.
When you have that newborn little baby you aren’t thinking about the planned obsolescence waiting for you at the end of it. But I suppose it’s all about seasons. I truly don’t want to be a mother of small children all my life. I have things I want to do, things I want to accomplish.
…But grandmother! Now there’s a job I could really sink my teeth into. 🙂